I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
