They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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