i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
