Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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