Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
