Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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