It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
