Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
PANTIES FOUND
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