i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
