She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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