Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When did angry sex become our thing?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
