If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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