omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
