Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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