You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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