So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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