His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
