Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize