Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
do nipples grow back?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
