im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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