how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
