whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
