i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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