My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
