if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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