Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
