Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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