I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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