i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
