She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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