Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Let's paint friendship bongs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
