if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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