Can i not drive my cunt home
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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