I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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