I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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