I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
