At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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