I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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