Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
