just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
