My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.