You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.