i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL