Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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