Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
