Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
