I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
