he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
