whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
