This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
