Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize