Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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