it was like his penis was on wheels.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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