Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
