I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
