I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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