i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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