i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
