he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
