Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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