I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
