And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
