i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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