am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
