That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
