I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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