Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
