I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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