"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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