So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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