Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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