he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
