This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
