I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
